Istvan Szabo - You can't avoid happiness
There are periods in life when things do not go well. This happened to me too often. Unlucky months or sometimes years when so many bad things happened. Statistically impossible to always make the wrong decision, or to draw all the drawers and to find what I needed in the last one, always, constantly. Still it happened to me very often. When I sent out my 100th job application, in the same time, I heard how people get dream jobs by sending one single CV. Or when I bought my flat on 100% mortgage and in three months the economical crises sent prices 50% down, and my mortgage 50% up. There are economical crises in around fifteen or twenty years periods. Why the hell did it wait for me to happen?! I had no money to eat, I had health problems and all my life was a disaster. I was in serious depression. I called a therapist to schedule an appointment, and even that did not succeed. She told that she is booked for the next three weeks. "Three weeks?!" I was not even sure that I can survive the next day. "If I can wait three week then I do not need a therapist." I thought, politely apologized for disturbing and put off the phone.
There were periods like this...the shit comes in batches, and once it starts, it seems there is no end. It is hard at the beginning until your Ego is completely destroyed. You hit the ground and you break somewhere inside. Then you get up and move forward, and soon you collapse again...it goes on and on...by the end, though, something changes. Somehow, and this is very strange, but you start to like what is going on. Behind the arrogant Ego shell, a new person is about to born. A wiser, stronger and more resilient. The dark cloud is still above you, but somehow you grow up, above that cloud and you start to see the sunshine. While this happened last time, I had a strange feeling, which I could express in the following sentence: "You cannot avoid happiness."
At the end of the suffering I somehow start to be melancholic losing that pain which made me stronger, and I start to be afraid of the happiness that is ahead of me and will take my mind away, building up my Ego again which will need to die again one day.
Pain is what makes us focused and a better person. The diamond is formed under pressure, in darkness, deep under the ground. You can't avoid happiness, all the pain what you have now squeezes you into happiness. One day, you just grow over the dark clouds. It can be any day, maybe today or tomorrow. Important is to never give up. Always make one more step, just one more. And do not try to avoid pain. Grow over it!