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How to find yourself when you’re feeling lost?


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How to find yourself when you’re feeling lost?


One of my top icons in motivational speaking and personal development is Anthony Robbins. His life is exemplary not only because he came from humble beginnings and he made his first million at the age 24, but also because his charity foundation provides fresh water and food for over 100,000 people (source article). He has helped millions to get over depression, feeling of being lost and pushed them to find their life-purpose. His one-week seminar (Date with Destiny) costs $5,000 per person, and he regularly gets paid seven figures for one-on-one personal coaching.

His secret to success is well expressed with one of his speech, I have recently found on YouTube, titled: “How to find yourself when you’re feeling lost?” In this speech he points out that we all experience losses in certain points of our life. It doesn’t matter if you are Oprah Winfrey or Juaquin Hawkins, life will take one day what is important. There are however two possible outcomes of these losses: People may get lost, defeated and burnt out or they can thrive.

What I find genial in Tony’s speeches is his very accurate definition of outcomes in painful situations thanks to his tremendous available sources throughout his career as a professional coach. He explains the differences between two types of losses. The first one is a “lighter” version when we lose something, but we have all the means to continue our life and get back where we were. Among these can be a missed sales opportunity, a delayed promotion, a small financial loss or a less serious sickness.  These losses have usually even a motivational power that pushes us to strive more. On the other hand, the other type of loss is much more serious. A cancer, a stroke (in case of Juaquin Hawkins), a divorce, a lost child or a serious accident can lead to a devastation which can shake life at the foundations. The difference is that in the second case we have no control.

It is important to mention that in every situation the pain is not resulted in the actual happenings but in our expectations. “When life does not meet your blueprint and you have no control, you suffer.” Some people get on extremely well with overweight, with humble life conditions or even with sickness because their blueprint, their subconscious expectations meet their model. Or they might have an extremely important area in their lives that is going very well, for example their family-life, their health or their career.

It does not matter what you have or how others see you, if life does not meet your blueprint and you have no control, you feel pain. You may be successful, rich and attractive but you still you can be depressed, living on antidepressants that does not make the situation any better, because something extremely important does not match - as points out Tony in his example with a successful woman.

There may be three different reactions in those situations. The most obvious reaction is blaming. We can blame ourselves, our partner, our parents, our environment, the politics or eventually even the weather or the economic situation. This will impose a short-term satisfaction, but on a longer term it does not change anything. Therefore, in fact, we have two choices to significantly improve our situation. One is to change life and the second one is to change our blueprint. Changing life means to fight ourselves through any barriers and bounce back as soon as possible. Who would not know the life of Niki Lauda who suffered serious injuries in 1976 in the German Grand Prix and returned six weeks after the accident with his fresh burns still bandaged. This website presents you other 25 similar examples.

What does change of the blueprint mean? Have you heard about people who - after a serious loss - completely change their lives and they come back significantly stronger and happier than before? Juaquin Hawkins started to focus on his family after his stroke, other people may change career or create a charity which helps others. Another powerful example is given by W Mitchell: “Before I was paralyzed, there were 10,000 things I could do; now there are 9,000. I can either dwell on the 1,000 I've lost or focus on the 9,000 I have left.”

Changing the blueprint means changing expectations and being extremely agile to found new goals, sometimes by making a U-turn in life. It may happen very often that this U-turn reveals a true life mission that was sadly imprisoned in the original life.

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